East of Eden, Part Nineteen

2 May 2007

Jackie was going to research the library in their basement for ways to get Rick back, and I had arranged to fly to England so Michael and I could do the same in his library, and we each agreed to call the other if we found anything. I timed the plane’s arrival with Michael to give me time to check on Matteson, who was home from the hospital. He needed to rest, still, and Jackie had said she would keep an eye on him since she was going to be there anyway. She’d found the ring in Rick’s stuff and broke down while on the phone with her job, so they just told her to take whatever time she needed and quickly ended the call.

Matteson was laying on the couch with no shirt when I arrived, his left shoulder and right side heavily bandaged. He was happy to see me, but clearly still upset in general. We talked for a little bit, dancing around the subject that neither of us knew how to raise. Finally, I told him that I would be leaving for England soon to do some study at the Hudson estate, and he turned my face to look into my eyes.

“Will you be coming back?” he asked.

“Of course.”

“I don’t mean coming back to the States.”

I hesitated. “John, I…I don’t know.”

“I saw the way you looked at me after things finally started to calm down. When I said there wasn’t any way I could help him. I’ve seen that look before.”

“And what did it mean when you saw it before?”

“That she’d seen too much and needed a way out.”

I got up and paced around the room in a circle. I ended up at his recliner, and sat back down to think for a moment. “It’s a lot, you know.”

“I know.”

“I need some space.”

“I know.”

“I’m not breaking up with you,” I said, wiping a tear from my cheek. “I just…I need some time. To process everything, to think about all of this, to…I dunno.”

“You need to decide if we are worth this,” he said. I nodded. “That’s better than I was expecting, anyway. Take what time you need.”

“Thank you.” I stood, wiped my face, and took a deep breath to center myself. “Could you do me a favor?”

“Anything.”

“Don’t call while I’m in England?”

“Okay.” He gave me a weak smile, and I returned it, then left for the airport.

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