17 June 2007
When I heard the footsteps on the stairs, I was in the basement reading through a book on the Deeper Realms which may or may not have been written by someone who’d actually been there.
“You were out late,” I said, flipping the page. “It’s almost noon, I was considering starting to worry.”
“Hey John,” Alice said. I set the book on my lap and snapped my attention to her. “Sorry if this is a bad time, I—”
“No, no, of course not!” I stood and placed the book on the table, then started to fiddle with my hands as I resisted the urge to go directly to where she was standing. “Come in, have a seat,” I said, waving toward an empty chair. She nodded and made her way over to the chair. We both stood silent for a moment, watching each other. “It’s good to see you. I didn’t know you were back. When did you get back?”
“About a week ago.”
“Oh.” We continued to stand there for a little while. I think we were both waiting to see what the other did. She cracked first.
“Maybe this wasn’t a great idea.”
“No, sorry, here, please.” I sat down and held my hand out toward her seat. She sat down as well, bolt upright, as if she wasn’t sure she could relax in it yet. “You drove a long way, I’m sure. I’d like to know why.”
“Right. Well. I don’t know, exactly. I guess I thought, you know…maybe I should check in.”
“On me? I’m healing pretty well.”
“That’s good. But I think I meant, on us.”
“Are you checking in to find out if there still is an ‘us?’”
She hesitated. “Yeah,” she finally said, softly.
“Alice, look. I’m still here. I still want us. And we can talk through whatever you need to talk through, and I’ll do that, but it’s gonna be your call whether or not it does any good.”
“I just don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?”
“If I can be okay with all…this,” she said, sweeping her arm to indicate the collection of metaphysical books, “and I know you can’t really separate yourself from it.”
“I know it’s not your fault, John,” she said, reaching over and resting a hand on my knee, “and I’m not saying we’re done. I’m just telling you, this is scary, and it’s what I’m dealing with as I consider our future.”
“Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.”
“Can you promise I’ll be safe?”
I thought about that question for a moment. I know what I would have said a few months ago, but now… “No,” I finally answered her. “I can try, and I will try. I’ll do everything I can to protect you, but I can’t promise it will ultimately be enough.”
She pulled her hand to her lap and leaned back into the chair. “Thank you for being honest.”
“So what now?”
“Now, I guess, we—” She stopped as my phone began to ring. We both turned toward it, and when it appeared she wasn’t going to continue, I picked it up. It was Jackie’s phone.
“I’m sorry, I should take this. Jackie went out looking for Rick last night, and…” I started to explain, but she nodded, so I stopped and answered.
“Is this John Matteson?” a female voice asked. It wasn’t Jackie. I stood up.
“Yes. Who is this?” I listened as the nurse explained that Jackie had been found this morning in a bit of woods near the river, surrounded by a bunch of weird stuff, by a local man out on a morning jog. She was at Jameson, and they couldn’t wake her up and I was the emergency contact in her phone. I was pacing around the basement the whole time, and Alice was leaning forward in her seat watching me and waiting.
“What happened? Who was that?” she asked as I hung up and set the phone on the table.
“Jackie’s in the hospital. They’re admitting her. She isn’t awake and they don’t know why.”
“Oh my God!” She jumped to her feet.
“I gotta get down there.”
“Yeah, well, I’m coming with you.”
We climbed into Alpha and headed down to New Castle, where we were shown to Jackie’s room. I had to explain that she didn’t have any living family in the country, and they had to explain that I wasn’t legally authorized to make decisions for her, so the ultimate end of the conversation was that she would just get what services they could do for her and I would try to find a solution for any long-term care that may arise from whatever was keeping her unconscious. Alice and I started making phone calls to make sure everyone who needed to know about her situation did, and stayed there with her until they sent us home for the night. Alice decided to crash here for the night, since she didn’t have any pressing need to go home and wanted to be able to visit Jackie in the morning. She still had some clothes in my room, which she grabbed, but she went to sleep in Jackie’s bed. So now I’m in the basement, tracking where Jackie went and trying not to think too much about Alice.
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